using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
