My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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