Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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