that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's blow job season.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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