he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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