So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
