if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
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