my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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