atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
