I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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