Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
