Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just pee around me
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
