dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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