i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
