Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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