I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
