I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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