just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
