You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sorry my hands just texted you
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
