Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
