I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
