Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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