I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
