And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
