once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
