Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
