It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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