But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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