I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
