So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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