i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
