is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
