so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
