i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
