i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
