i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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