Can i not drive my cunt home
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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