naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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