Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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