So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
