Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
