call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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