I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
