I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
