im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
