Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
