I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
