The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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