I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
