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woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
