I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
