How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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