peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
