Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I will pee on everything he values.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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