someone threw a dead crab at me
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
