I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
