yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
