I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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