and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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