I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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